The Etiquette of Formal Calls
By Dawn L’Heureux
EVERY 19TH CENTURY ETIQUETE BOOK set out the rules of the formal call or visit and they didn’t change much over a hundred years. Though the purpose of the call was ceremonial and was required on certain occasions, it also maintained a family’s social connections and kept everyone informed of local news in an era of non-instant communications. It provided one of the few patterns a house tour organizer could have consulted then, though clearly many of the rules would have had to be bent or abandoned.
Women made the majority of formal calls, although men made them to express condolences, congratulations or thanks. They were to be made in the “morning” – between 12 noon and 5 p.m., with 12-3 p.m. being the most fashionable hours. The actual morning hours did not exist on the social clock. They were for business and domestic affairs.
If a servant answered the door, one sent in a visiting card so as to be announced. If the hostess was not at home, or was “engaged” (not receiving), the servant said so and kept the card for future reference. If ushered in, one did not remove bonnets (men carried hats), gloves or wraps. Though the hostess could invite one to take them office and linger, she would rarely do so unless the relationship was well-established. Even then, she would not if she expected other callers.
The visit lasted ten to twenty minutes. Conversation was to be light because serious topics led to prolonged visits. Children and dogs didn’t attend, nor did total strangers unless accompanied either by someone well known to the hostess or by a letter of introduction.
It was truly bad form to stare around the room, handle ornaments or furniture (especially to finger the piano), move chairs close to the fire without invitation, or assume ungracious positions: elbows on knees, leaning against the wall or sitting astride a chair. And then one withdrew when the time was up or earlier if a new caller arrived – as soon as the bustle of getting the new visitor settled was over and leaving would not look forced.
The New Year’s Day call, one possible forerunner of the house tour, was a relaxed version of the formal call, though formal attire was still required. Only gentlemen called between 9 a.m. and 10 p.m. They visit ladies of their acquaintance, including those with whom they were not on close terms, something not ordinarily condoned. The call was supposed to last not more than fifteen minutes, but on this day, unlike ordinary days, callers would be invited to leave their hat and coats in the hall so as to partake of the refreshments usually offered (Gloves were often retained, however, odd as that seems now.) Obviously, there was some latitude in the length of the visit, since all that activity would be difficult in the time allowed.
It was acceptable for several ladies to entertain at the house of one of them. The long day became more bearable that way and the refreshments table might be more lavish than one would be able to provide alone. It was also acceptable for the men to call in groups of two to five, which meant they could easily include a friend unknown to the hostesses and provide personal introductions all around. A gentleman introduced in this way, however, could not presume to call again without an invitation. Festivities of the season covered only so much.
For two or three days thereafter, the ladies called on each other to extend New Year’s wishes – and compare notes. Most probably, they would have discussed any stranger brought along. If considered presentable, he would have been approved for an invitation to call again – another welcome expansion of the social circle.
From: Thomas E. Hill,Manual of Social and Business Forms, Galina Illinois, 1873